Surviving Disney World

The most magical place in the world…also the scariest place in the world.

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Recently I returned from Orlando, Florida where I went on vacation with my family to Disney World. Let me say right away, I was very excited for this trip. This was my third time going to Disney World, in the past I have gone when I was around 8 years old and then again when I was sixteen and now twenty five. I know Disney World will always have a special place in my heart and I will never be to old for it. However, I may one day be to anxious for it.

Over the years I have slowly begun to have more and more trouble with crowds, being around large groups of people and sometimes even being around people for too long. I’m not completely sure whether it seems like it’s gotten worse because I’m older and understand what’s happening to me better than when I was little or if it is actually getting worse. Whatever the case, my “social anxiety” is definitely higher than most. (I put social anxiety in quotes because I hate to simply label myself that way because I know it’s a very complex issue. I just don’t know what else to call what I have) However, I am fairly good at hiding my anxiety and that is what I did on our trip because there really was no other way.

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The living room of our resort.

When my family goes on trips we don’t really relax. I don’t think we know how to. All of our vacations have always been very activity heavy. We always pick a place that has lot to do, so we’ve never vacationed in like Ohio or Indiana. From the minute we arrive at our resort or campground, we are doing something. Every day is planned out ahead of time and there is little room left for anything but sleep and sometimes very little of that. Now I’m sure most people who go to Disney World know their days are going to be very full and hectic and don’t expect much relaxation, but that can be a problem. Especially if you have someone like me in your family.

By the end of our 9 day vacation I was ready to go home, I think a part of me was ready to go home about halfway through but I also still really wanted to be. By the end of each day I was exhausted both physically and mentally. I started to notice halfway through that I was snapping with people more and wasn’t always in the brightest mood. Despite that I was really enjoying myself, because I really do love Disney World but it was still tough.

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The worst reaction I had was on our last day there. We had gone to Magic Kingdom. For most of the day it was actually pretty good, it wasn’t super crowded. The park was at a 5 out of 10, on their crowd rating thing. However, once it got closer to the park closing things took a turn for the worse. We had gone on the day of the Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween party. So as we were headed to the exit people were pouring in. By the time we reached the monorail to leave the park I was a mess. I didn’t tell my family but as we were waiting for the monorail I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, and was feeling short of breath. My hands were shaking and I just kind of felt panicky. Although I’m not sure if the panic was like a side effect or if I was panicky because I didn’t want anyone else to notice. 

I’ve never really experienced anything like that, not that I can remember anyway. It was kind of scary. It really made me realize though that I need to be more aware of what I can handle and not be ashamed that I can’t handle as much as other people. I know that my trip would have been way more enjoyable if I had been able to take time to myself when I needed and had a break in between each visit to the parks. Now obviously I wouldn’t have been able to do this on this trip because I was with my family and was kind of stuck with their schedule but I know if I ever go to Disney World again it will have to be on my terms. Which also means I will be going on the Tower of Terror multiple times!

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Creativity Keeps Me Going

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It wasn’t until recently that I realized how much my creativity means to me. I love being creative whether it’s in the writing I do, the crafting, or even my job. I constantly have to be creating something, or coming up with new ideas and plans. It’s how I’m wired. If I can’t be actively doing that I shut down. It’s one of those things that keeps me going, helps me get out of bed in the morning, knowing that I get to create something that day. This discovery also made me realize that one of my biggest fears is that one day I will run out of ideas or creativity. I’ve always been afraid in every job I’ve ever had of becoming irrelevant or unneeded, worried about that one day I can’t think of anything new. These are probably irrational fears but I still worry. 

I think this is one of the reasons I don’t like my second job. There’s not room for me to use my creativity or to come up with and implement new ideas. It’s retail, and I’m a cashier. It doesn’t spark anything in me or make me want to improve anything. I don’t feel needed. If I left, there would be no hole that couldn’t be filled. This probably makes me sound conceited or full of myself but that’s not my intention. One of the reason I enjoy creating and brainstorming is because in the end it’s always to improve someone or something and that’s one of the greatest rewards I could have from a job. 

In my first job, the one I first got when I moved back the D, I can be creative and create new ideas or plans. Yes, sometimes I feel stifled and not free to sort of run wild with things but that’s always going to be the case when you’re working for someone else. If I really want true freedom, I’ll need to start my own business, which I am very tempted to do. 

What about you guys. Do you feel like your job is stifling your creative freedom?

What if the Problem is You?

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What do you do when your being the toxic friend to yourself.

Recently I have read a variety of different articles talking about toxic friendships and how it’s okay to end them and it doesn’t make you a horrible person. These articles take me back to college and remind me of a situation I had with a close friend. Someone who in the end I had to cut out of my life. I remember feeling horrible for a really long time. I still miss the person sometimes, even though in the long run it was the right decision and my life and other relationships have been better for it.

One of the articles I was reading mentioned a few things that specifically reminded me of this past relationship. You can read it here. While I didn’t really read most of the steps because they started sounding to new agey or something, the beginning is what got me thinking. In that beginning part it describes a friend and something they do and how you feel afterward.

“But when you hang up, you realize your own mood has downshifted. You were fine before the phone call but now you feel saddened, worried, tired.”

The article goes on to talk about how every person leaves an impression on your field of energy. While not the way I would phrase it, it does make sense. Every interaction we have with someone affects us in someway. Whether good or bad, or maybe both. When we’re constantly around someone who drains us, because they are always piling their worries, fears and problems on us, it becomes exhausting. It quickly affects our mood as well. We become like a mirror image of that person.

Recently I’ve noticed that my attitude has shifted a lot toward what I used to be like when I was around these toxic friendships. After reading these different articles, I began to wonder what’s causing my attitude this time. I’m barely around any of my friends anymore. I don’t keep in touch with any of my highschool friends even though I’m back in the area. I hardly ever get to see my friends from Grand Rapids and I’m currently upset with my two out of state friends (which of course, I haven’t told them this).

I began racking my brain trying to figure out what has been causing my mood and I realized I was causing it. I’m the toxic friend to myself. All the articles that described what a toxic friend is sound familiar to me in this moment because that’s what I am being to myself. Of course it comes across a bit differently but it’s still the same idea. Here are some examples:

  1. I’m the shoulder I cry on: In most situations a toxic friend always chooses you to tell her problems to instead of confronting the person that is upsetting them or talking to someone else as well so that you don’t get the brunt of it. What I am doing is not going to anyone at all. I’m bottling up most of my issues and problems and just rethinking them over and over in my head. This is only making me feel worse because I don’t have the answers and at the moment don’t have the ability to get myself out of my funk, but I’m still relying on myself even though I should be asking others for help.
  2. I’ve become the Debbie Downer: Toxic friends can often have bleak outlooks on life, or are very negative. Even if it’s not always obvious because they come across as a bubbly personality they can actually look at things as the glass half empty. I am not by any means what I would call a bubbly person but I normally wouldn’t consider myself pessimistic, at least not very often. But here lately at least when I’m alone, I do tend to feel that way. In the past I have liked to be around people who are a bit more boisterous and animated then myself because it helps lift my spirits. I can get very dark and moody when I spend to much time alone, which has been a problem lately. Because, in a way, I’m the only “social” interaction I have outside of work and family, I’ve become the Debbie downer to myself.
  3. They put you in a bad mood: Because of everything they dump on you toxic friends tend to put you in a bad mood. Like I was saying earlier, their problems become yours and so then you’re worrying about your own and theirs and then your mad at yourself for letting their problems affect you. So for me at this moment I’m basically in a bad mood because of a problem and then I’m in even more of a bad mood because I’m mad at myself for being in a bad mood about a problem I really have no control over or should be able to handle.

These are just a few examples to try and give you an idea of how I’m being a toxic friend to myself. I think what it really boils down to in the end is that I’ve in a way cut myself off from other people and so all I have is myself. Now I could blame that on the fact that I’m working two jobs and have very little time or that I’m not opening up to other people because I feel my problems are to small and insignificant compared to what they may be going through. That’s kind of another topic for another post though. In the end I don’t completely know what I need to do to fix this. I think I’ve had this problem in the past whenever I was home from school during the summer, the only problem is this won’t change when summer is over, I’m way past going back to school. At least I have my volunteer teaching job to look forward to in the Fall.

The Ramblings of an Impartial Introverted Bystander

I’m what some might call apolitical/impartial when it comes to current event issues. I have a tendency to listen to one side of an issue, understand where they’re coming from and agree with them but then hear the other side and do the same thing. It then becomes a sort of tug war. All I want is to be able to figure out what I think is right but anytime I think I have a handle on it I hear someone else’s compelling argument and I start to falter. This is something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember and because of this I tend to keep my mouth shut on big button issues. I also do this because I don’t like to make a decision on something until I know all the facts and I have trouble making my opinion on something until I have all the facts which is nearly impossible oftentimes. I don’t want to state my opinion, only to have to change it later because I feel like that would look bad and then I really would look like an impartial flaky type person, which should really be the least of my concerns. Because of this some people out there probably would say I’m wishy washy, while others might say I’m just empathetic. While I used to hate this part of myself I’ve come to except it. I try not to look at it as a bad thing anymore. It means I’ll rarely, if never, be like the people that have sparked this post in the first place. And while I will say that if taken to an extreme this aspect of my personality is bad, as long as it’s not taken to far there is nothing wrong with it. 

 

One of the reason I bring this up is because of a certain issue that has come to light recently that is something I’ve struggled with a lot the past few years. It’s something I’ve been trying to lock down my own feelings on but each new article, opinion piece, etc. that comes out on the subject leaves me confused. This issue has also made me realize how much I hate disagreements, confrontation and anything else like it. I want people to be able to have intellectual conversations and still be friends afterwards. That however can’t happen if during discussion people resort to name calling, cursing, or show disrespect for the other person and their beliefs. That’s really the biggest issue, disrespect. Nowadays, we seem to be surrounded by it and it’s not just young people it’s adults too. The constant bashing and name calling, the more time goes by the worse it seems to get and I partially blame social media for it. Things can so easily and so quickly get blown out of proportion on social media and there’s a certain anonymity to it, where people feel they can say and doing anything because you don’t know the people you’re debating. There is also this ability to start a discussion/debate without having to look at someone in the face which I think is one of the reasons for the disrespect. It’s easy to write something nasty about someone or a group of people when you don’t have to actually interact with them. It’s all very impersonal and because it’s impersonal it’s easy to assume someone’s intentions or beliefs based on a random and probably hastily thrown together comment on some random post. That’s what social media tends to perpetuate. We can say whatever we want without really thinking first and have few repercussions and if necessary it can just deleted or edited.

I’ll be up front at this point and say the thing that got me thinking about all this was the incident in McKinney, Texas that has been all over the news. I have friends who fall to either side of this issue. There are those who are condemning the actions of the police officer and believe that his and the actions of others involved were racist. And then there are those who commend the actions of the officer and believe this is not an issue of race. The friends I have on both sides I respect, there is no animosity towards either. Now while I have made some decisions on my feelings about this issue, I don’t want to go into them because that’s not the reason for this post. The reasoning behind this post is to bring up the degradation of commentary on social issues. I suppose you could say these are just the ramblings of an introverted impartial bystander. Which some will probably use an insult. It’s just tough for me to see all this indifference towards others opinions, especially among my friends. So often I see people posting things and I wonder if they read it all the way through, because surely if they had, they wouldn’t have posted it. 

Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t voice your opinions on things, on the contrary I think you should. I just think everyone needs to really take a step back and decide why they are posting something or what good will it do. Like our parents always told us if you can’t say something nice don’t say it at all. Why can’t we practice a little more “walk in their shoes” or at least try not resort to vulgar ways of expressing ourselves. You can express your opinion without treating the other person like dirt for expressing their’s. To often I think we forget to look at things from someone else’s perspective, which we should always do. If not to at least make sure we are seeing them as fellow human beings then to at least help us see the fault in our own arguments. Now I know it’s impossible to not at some point hurt someone’s feelings, or offend someone. There is always someone out there who is going to be offended by your opinion, sometimes they may be right to be offended and other times they won’t be. However, I think how we respond to that offense is what will make all the difference. If we return fire with fire it will only lead to a further breakdown of conversation. 

In the end I’m not sure how much sense I made. Hopefully someone will be able to make sense of my ramblings. While I know my nature is to try and not take sides and see the best in people I know that at some point I have to take a stand. Everyone eventually has to take a stand but I will not let that stand turn into a way for me to try and degrade or bash someone else. I am proud of the fact that I want to listen and hear everyone’s opinions and that while I may have an opinion I may choose not to share it. That does not make me a bad person. What would make me a bad person is if I chose not to divulge my opinion because I’m afraid of what others will think or that they will choose to distance themselves from me for that opinion. When it comes to sharing our opinions the way we do it should come from a motivation to improve others lives and make them better, to love others and not to hate, and to show them our opinions so that they may grow and in return be open and respectful while listening to our own opinion. 

Who knows maybe my opinion on all this will change down the road. I’m only 24 and I still have a lot of growing to do but I’m okay with that. I’m finally getting to a place where I’m okay with the fact that I will never know everything, it’s impossible and that a good 50% of the time (at least) i will probably change my mind on something down the road. And that does not make me a flake, that makes me human. 

Please Don’t Pop My Bubble

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Everyone has a bubble, even extroverts, and everyone’s bubble is different. For example, I have a very small bubble. And it’s not just small around strangers, it’s small around my family too. Sometimes it has to do with my mood but generally speaking it stays the same. I think the older I get the smaller my bubble gets. This year I’ve noticed more and more how small it is. Here are some examples of how my bubble is small.

  1. I like people to stay a good arm to half an arms length away from me. I don’t think that’s to much to ask. It keeps from awkward things happening like your spit flying in my face, grazing my boob, etc.
  2. I do not like people standing directly behind me. So no reading over the shoulder, touching me from behind or leaning over me to get something.
  3. I’m not a huge hugger. I don’t mind hugs but only from people I know really well and if I don’t I have to be the instigator. 
  4. Touching is another big thing. If I don’t know you don’t touch me, even if you think we’re chummy don’t touch me unless I say it’s okay. 

Three people in my life have recently made me realize how small my bubble is. The first one being my little sister. She is proof that even though I like hugs, I do not like them all the time. She is constantly giving me hugs, even when it’s obvious I’m doing something like holding a glass bowl full of scalding liquid (just an example). I understand that part of it is just because she missed me a lot while I was living in Grand Rapids but I’ve been home for five months now (eesh that’s scary), she needs to calm down. 

The second person is my father. He has absolutely no understanding of personal space. He’s especially notorious for standing behind me while I’m working on something and talking in my ear. Very uncomfortable, distracting and annoying. He especially likes to get in my space early in the morning when no one should be talking to me. I’m basically an introverted Ogre in the morning.

The third person is my boss. One of the biggest space invading bosses I’ve ever had. It’s especially been a tough transition because my last boss wasn’t touchy, feely or a space invader at all and I loved it! She was sarcastic, honest and upfront and she didn’t like hugs, which meant I wasn’t getting random ones from her. Sure I’m a sensitive person but I don’t like spilling my personal life to people, unless I like them. I liked my last boss, I don’t like my current boss. Since I started my new job she has given me a hug, touched my hair, pats me on the shoulder, and stands behind me and talks in my ear. It’s just to much. 

Now, some people would probably say, well tell these people to leave you alone. Well if it isn’t obvious yet, I’m an introvert, yeah I’m gonna use that excuse. I don’t like confrontation, not even with family, and especially not with my boss. Besides, how do you tell your 7 year old sister, you don’t want her hugging you? How do you tell your father that you want him to take a couple steps back? And how do you tell your boss she makes you uncomfortable. These are things that I am not good at. 

Maybe some day I will be able to face my issues and learn to confront people or not even confront them, just be honest when they do something that makes me uncomfortable. But it is not this day. 

When You’re Sick You Have Time To Ponder Life

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If you can’t tell by the title, yes I have been sick. Have been for the past week, which is why I haven’t posted in awhile. The first couple days I was sick I did nothing but sleep, go to work and read. I mostly slept. Work was interesting since part of my job is answering phones, and the second and third day of being sick I had like no voice. I am much better now though.

While I was sick I did a lot of random thinking especially late at night when I was coughing to much to sleep. I don’t even remember half the stuff that was going through my brain, I was to out of it from all the meds I was taking. There were several times where I got into that semi depressive mood you get when your sick. Maybe that just happens to me, but I especially get this way when I’m having throat issues because I used to get strep throat all the time and so anytime I get a sore throat I freak out. Especially if it starts to feel like my throat is swelling which it did feel that way at one point.

What with that and just the usual feelings of gloom you get when you’re sick, I was feeling pretty down and out. I didn’t realize until a few years ago that I’m one of those people that suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder. I’m usually okay near the beginning of the season, definitely through December because of Christmas but once January hits or whenever winter really starts hitting hard I can feel the difference. I can especially tell how much it’s affecting me when we have one of those random sunny days and my mood is suddenly 20 times better.

I wish this is the way I felt.
I wish this is the way I felt.

So yeah I’ve been in a mood. It’s still kind of there but I’m trying to stay out of it. It would probably help if I found something to do with myself. I mean it’s not like I sit around all day doing nothing. I have a to do list. I’m very proud of my to do list and I strive to get everything on there checked off which doesn’t happen to often because there’s only so much time in the day. It really is something I take pride in though because I love lists, especially check lists. There’s nothing like that feeling of checking something off a list once you’ve completed. Even if I do something that wasn’t on a list I created, I will add it to the list just so I can check it off. I get such a thrill.

One thing I’ve always struggled with from time to time is introvert guilt, I guess you could call it. Basically I have times were I feel bad for the fact that I like a lot of alone time, and that things I like doing are sometimes considered time wasters by other people. To give you an example I’m going to show you what I have on my list and explain it to you:

  • Exercise: Pretty self explanatory, and one that I have not done in the past two weeks since I made this master to do list.
  • Writing: I am a writer, that’s what I went into in college and that’s all I really want to do with my life. So I have to set aside time to do that.
  • Reading: I love reading, and since college I’ve let it slide to much. College kind of ruined me for reading for a bit, because of all the required reading you had to do. But it’s also something I need to make sure I do as a writer, because I can’t be a writer if I don’t read.
  • Chores: This is more just to make sure that I don’t let my room turn into a pigsty and it’s there as a reminder to try and help out around the house occasionally.
  • Blog: Obviously this is for blogging here, got to keep up on that.
  • Crafting: I’m a big crafter, I love crafting. I crochet, knit, scrapbook, cross-stitch, lot’s of stuff.  I like doing things with my hands and this makes for a good break from all the other stuff on my list.
  • Class Planning: I currently teach classes for a homeschool group. It’s the group I went to through middle school and highschool and my little sister and brother still go there. So far I’ve just taught Preschool but next session I’m teaching a Star Wars Class and Crochet so I have a lot of planning to do.
  • Wedding Stuff: Not for me :p This is to set aside time to work on things for my sister’s wedding. Because I am the Maid of Honor I am planning the Bridal Shower and I have big plans, so there’s a lot to do there.
  • Job Search: I added this on as a reminder to try and occasionally put out job applications, because I needs to find a better job.
This is the sheet I made. Nice right. I just write each thing on the line, slip it in a sheet protector and use a wipe off marker to check off my days.
This is the sheet I made. Nice right. I just write each thing on the line, slip it in a sheet protector and use a wipe off marker to check off my days.

So all of these take up most of my day, when I’m not at work that is. When you look at most of them they’re kind of things that people look at as just recreational, stuff you do when you have free time. But for me a lot of that stuff isn’t. I mean writing is what I want my career to be so I have to spend time doing it, and reading is something I need to do to help strengthen my writing. Crafting is something that keeps me sane and is something I’d actually like to do professionally (my sister and I are considering opening an Etsy store). As for class planning that is something I have committed to doing, it’s volunteer work and I have always done some sort of volunteer work for as long as I can remember, I like volunteering. And just because I’m not getting paid, doesn’t mean I will shirk my work. Job searching is important and time consuming. Blogging is up there with writing. And I am really enjoying planning the Bridal Shower for my sister, I love planning things. Sometimes I think I should have gone into event planning.

I guess in the end I just need to keep reminding myself that there’s a reason why I do each of these things and because they’re important to me that makes them worth doing and taking a good amount of time to do them. Right now I’m struggling actually getting each thing on the list done. Most of my time is spent class planning because the next session is coming up and I’m teaching two classes.

Man this was a long post, I’m sorry about that. I guess I had a lot to say since it’s been so long since I last posted. I’ll try and be more careful with my next post.

In A Past Life I Was More Fun

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Follow me on Twitter. Because this post is really just a shameless plug for my Twitter page. JK But seriously follow me.

So this is actually probably going to feel like a slightly depressing post. Today for some reason I started randomly reading my twitter feed. I just started scrolling through and seeing what I had posted. The first thing that struck me was that just like blogging I had really let my tweeting slip. I’ve never really been a huge fan of twitter in the first place, I didn’t really buy into the hype but as a writer, who hopes to get a job someday in Social Media. it became something I needed to become acquainted with. 

The second thing I noticed was that back in like 2013 after I had graduated college I was a fairly productive person. I did more with friends, I baked, cooked, blogged, took pictures of things on Instagram. (I’ve never been a big instagramer either. Just another thing I felt I needed to try and understand). It kind of made me a little depressed. I don’t really know what happened between then and now, I mean part of it was probably when I stopped living in my “own” place, meaning not someone else’s house. Living in someone else’s house kind of cramps your style. 

I’m not really sure why I’m writing about this, I guess partially because I really wanted to post again so I didn’t lose my momentum and I didn’t know what else to talk about. I think I might try and get back into Twitter again. Especially since I’m now in charge of the Twitter page at my job. I did just post something today, a Vine I made. You should check it out. 

Recently I had the opportunity to go out with one of my sister’s friends. She’s bridesmaid #1 in my previous post. The three of us were supposed to go out to this place downtown when I got off work but my sister wasn’t feeling well so she opted not to go. She said I should go with her friend but since I don’t know her that well, I felt a little uncomfortable. Thankfully her friend understood my feelings better than my sister did. Later I said she should of stayed and hung out with us at my sister’s house but my sister said she was probably meeting other friend’s there too. To which of course I was like, if I didn’t feel comfortable just going with her, why would I be comfortable going with her and a bunch of her friends that I don’t know. My sister’s response was, that’s how you meet new people.

Well that’s not how I meet new people, unless forced of course. I mean I’ve met people through friends of mine, but notice I said friends of mine. In a situation like that I know at least one or two of the people, even if I know no one else, that lowers the anxiety level greatly. Even then I would never want it to be a big thing and I certainly prefer not to do that type of socializing in very public, loud, bar type areas. How are you supposed to get to know someone, it’s awkward. I’m lucky to have a sister who is an introvert as well, it makes for less misunderstandings and is probably one of the reasons we get along so well but she leans more in the outgoing introvert spectrum so there are still times she doesn’t completely understand me. 

Anyway, mini tangent over. I’m still trying to figure out what I want to focus on in this blog. Who knows maybe I’ll just keep stumbling along, talking about random things. I mean that really sounds like me, when I think about it. I do have an idea up my sleeve but I’ll talk about that in other post. 

I’m An Introvert…Not A Recluse

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There are many misconceptions about introverts. You could write a book about it and I’m sure several people have. The misconception I would like to debunk however, is that we are reclusive. We never like to go outside. Just the mere sight of people burns our skin and we turn into moody, angsty, un-sociable beings. We’re actually the inspiration behind the vampires of Twilight. (Not really. I would murder Edward in my sleep if I could, because it would be that easy)

While it is true that we need time alone to recharge, get our bearings, recoup, whatever you want to call it. That doesn’t mean that’s the only thing we ever want to be doing. Yeah you could probably say we would rather have a good say 75% of our time spent in solitude but that stills leaves 25%. Besides every introverts definition of solitude differs and for some it may be more or less than 75%.

  • For me I need a good 50% of my time to be solitude and I don’t mean completely cut off from the world, I just mean close my door and no one bother me until I emerge and when I do I may not want to do any activities, maybe just pop in a movie.
  • The next say 35% would be personal time. Meaning time spent with people I’m close to and only them.
  • The remaining 15% is time I am willing to give to other ventures. Things outside my comfort zone, or having to hang out with people I don’t know.

Let me explain this further.

This past Sunday I had a very good day. I had an appointment with my sister and her bridesmaids at David’s Bridal to try on bridesmaids dresses (I’m the maid of honor). Before the appointment, myself, Colette and we’ll say Bridesmaid #1 went out to lunch at a Sushi place. We had a good time talking about work, life, my sister’s bachelorette party. It was nice. After that we headed over to David’s Bridal and met up with Bridesmaid #2. We tried on dresses and had a good time. To every one dress the other two girls tried on, I would try on like four. I don’t mess around when it comes to trying on clothes. If I don’t like it, I’m out of it.

After the appointment, in which we did find our dresses, we went to get some ice cream. We chatted for a bit and then Bridesmaid #1 parted ways with us, while Bridesmaid #2 came with my sister and I to go see the movie Selma with my mom and grandma’s. After the movie we went out for dinner at a Chinese Buffet. All in all it was a very enjoyable evening.

Now this may not seem like part of the 15%, but it is because I don’t know the bridesmaids very well, so they don’t fall into my close to me circle, not yet anyway. I hadn’t had a day like this in a long time and it was way over due. I need days like that occasionally otherwise I get a little depressed. It doesn’t help that I haven’t been able to find a good balance between solitude, personal time, and we’ll call it sharing time. Most of my time falls under solitude, but my solitude is constantly interrupted by family since I live at home now.

The reason I started thinking about this idea that people have about introverts being recluses, came because of a conversation I had with my sister while we were driving to drop Bridesmaid #2 off at her house after dinner. We were talking about my job and I had mentioned how right now my dream job would just be something where I get to like work in the backroom of a business away from people. We then went into what my future would be and my sister said I would wind up being one of those stereotypical writer recluses. The ones who work at night in a backroom and then come home write, sleep, write again and then go to work. I would only step out of my home when forced for family holidays and I would own a pet. Except I wouldn’t own a pet, because I don’t like pets.

I of course agreed with her, it sounded very tempting and very me, except it left out that 35% where I do enjoy people’s company, just people that I like.

“I like people. I just like people that I like.” Me to my sister when I tried to explain to her how I don’t like people but I do.

It’s kind of ironic that I currently work in a customer service/sales person type job and yet I really don’t like people. I mean one of my facebook statuses recently was, “do you ever have one of those days were just the sight and sound of people makes you want to punch somebody in the face.”

I’m probably just proving everyone’s point about introverts, but I really do like being around people and going out and doing things. Just not all the time and I prefer to do things with people I like and I very rarely feel the need to grow the small pool of people I like and I’m okay with that. I don’t need a large group. It is hard though when a lot of the people that fall into your like circle all live either out of state or on the other side of the state. Oh well, maybe I’ll be the one moving away someday but that’s a story for another day.